My own oddities

I shouldn't have sounded so strict about the concept of otakukin without talking about my own oddities first. I'm still trying to be a little open minded about otakukin/fictionkin, but it's going to take a lot of explaining for me to fully understand it.

As for myself, I don't feel 100% human. At times I feel and react to situations in a canine manner. Let me really get into it.

When I was about 11 or so (I don't really remember how old I was. I just remember I was going into the 6th grade), I had the strangest experience ever. I was getting stressed over some work my mom made me do so I didn't forget things I had learned in the previous school year. Math is my weakest subject and I was struggling greatly on something I was working on. All of a sudden, I started growling and "clawing" at the pages. I didn't know why I was acting this way. All I knew was that it felt natural and I couldn't stop. I was well aware of what I was doing...I just couldn't stop acting that way. The whole situation scared me. I'd never felt like that before.

The experience scared me so much that I started thinking something was wrong with me. Even afterwards I still had these non-human feelings. I started looking up information on werewolves because at that age, that was the only thing I could think of to look up. I didn't know if I was being possessed or if I was going insane. The thought would come into my head though that I felt that I either should have been born as a dog or that my soul was that of a dog placed in a human body.

After doing some more searching I came across the term "lycanthropy" which is a mental disorder in which a person literally believes that they turn into a wolf. Of course I was thinking at this point that I had a mild form of this. That is until I came across the artist Goldenwolf. Now she does not believe she is a Therian, but at that time, she did and she had a lot of good information up there about therianthropy. I'm so happy I came across her site, not only because she's a wonderful artist, but because I saw that there were other people out there who felt like I did...like I do. I saw that people felt that they are wolves, horses, dogs, cats, even some that fell like insects.

But even though I felt like I was a therian, I did not fully take on the title of "therian" until about a year ago. I was still very uncertain of whether or not to call myself a therian. I felt the "mental shifts" and sometimes "phantom shifts" that other therians spoke of. I've had instances where I react to a situation on "instinct". For instance, there was one time where my brother and I were fighting and my thoughts just changed. I don't fully know how to explain it. I started acting instinctually. I was growling and trying to bite him (but I did my best to restrain myself from doing so). I've had moments where I find myself getting lost in wonderful scents and wanting to track them. Moments where I've just had to act out on my canine urges at night because I was so restless because of them. Moments where I have to fight back what feels natural to me because of the situations I'm in.

Lately I've been contemplating whether or not I want to call myself a therian. I've even been contemplating if I really am a therian. I'm looking into the idea of animal totems. Possibly my canine feelings are a result of a a dog totem trying to grab my attention. Either way, I just know that these canine feelings aren't a phase.

So why would I be so hard on the idea of otakukin/fictionkin, elf-kin, fairy-kin, etc.? For the fact that I'm a skeptic. I'm not closing my mind to the ideas, but if the ideas can be explained well enough I'll keep my mind open to anything. Therianthropy was an easy idea for me to grasp onto because from a very young age I believed in reincarnation even though it's not something taught in the Christian church. Plus I have a great love and respect for animals and feel more compassion for non-human animals than I do for humans at times.

But the main thing for me is that I've never claimed to not be human or not be the person that I am. That doesn't mean that I'm dismissing my canine side. It just means that I'm saying that here and now, I am this human girl who happens to have canine urges and tendencies. It's only when a person says "I am *insert something here*" that I really get skeptical of the idea.

Art of Transformation

Not literally, obviously. I do not believe in physical shifting of the human body into an animal or anything other non-human object. That involves breaking down human DNA, bone and muscle structure, etc. which I do not believe is physically possible. Other people may kindly disagree and that is their choice. What I am speaking of is artwork of humans transforming into animals. When a transformation sequence or image is done well, I marvel at it. There is nothing more powerful to me than seeing a human lose control and become an animal.

If I could have one supernatural ability, transformation would definitely be it. There is a certain majesty and beauty in a well crafted transformation sequence. A morphing sequence is not enough. There is no passion in it. The human body just seems to melt into an animal form. That does nothing for me. When I was younger a morphing sequence and a transformation sequence were one in the same. Now, I make a clear distinction between the two.

Seeing a human being unable to hold back the powerful, wild animal side to themselves. Seeing them struggle to maintain their humanity when they know that it is impossible. Watching them slowly and painfully succumb to their animal form. Watching their body twist and their muscles and bones break and reform effortlessly as their animal side begins to take hold. It's amazing. The best example I can think of is in Van Helsing. The sequence was so quick, but it was done so magically. And when he was done transforming, that roar he releases and the powerful look of his lupine body and face...it was the perfect mix.

The closest I can come to a transformation are my mental shifts. I do identify as a therian (domestic dog therian to be exact though I'm still fairly new to the community). Very rarely have I had any intense shifts. I'm always fully aware of what I am feeling and what I am doing, but sometimes the urge to act in a canine manner is too strong. I have had times where I could not help but to howl or bark. And I would do so semi-mindlessly. But never have I experience what it would feel like to lose full control of my humanity and completely act as a dog. To truly let my humanity slip away if only for a few moments and let my canine side take hold of me. For me, that would be the ultimate shift and the closest thing possible to an animal transformation.